Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
