so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
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Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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