im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
