well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
