Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
