There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
