ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
