i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
