You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Randomize
