ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
