I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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