I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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