dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
