Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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