I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
