She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
