I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is an emotional support booty call
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My vagina just clenched in fear
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