You really coming over, don't trick.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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