when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
