Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
