Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
