Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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