Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
