More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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