mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Hippo gnu deer
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
