i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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