In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
