I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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