Just cropdusted the office
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
