This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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