Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My cat gives me a boner
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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