just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
