that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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