Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize