Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
