Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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