I just gift wrapped bread.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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