You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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