You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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