i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
