was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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