Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
