Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
