her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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