He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The dick lei will go down in squad history
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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