I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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