just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
