Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
