Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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