First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
3 2 1 whiskey
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
