Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
