believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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