4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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