Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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