I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
